The Inspiration of Owls and other Nocturnal Sounds

This post is dedicated to an owl, for had it not been for this owl, this post would never have been written.

I sat outside Tuesday night nursing a beer, enjoying the soothing silence of the midnight hour. Within minutes I noticed the silhouette of something up at the top of the pine tree in front of me, with the moonlight slightly reflecting off of it, but didn't quite know what it was at first, until I heard its distinctive "hoo hoo".

Yes, it was an owl. Then I got the idea to mimic it, to call back to it in my very best Sagittarian Owl voice, but it was either too good, or not good enough, because it must have startled it and caused it to fly away. Yes, this is what I do. Drinking beer and hooing like an owl after midnight. Ha ha. No, I haven't fallen off the deep end yet, but I very well may end up living under a bridge. Don't you just love my melodrama? And my propensity for both exaggeration and self-deprecation? If I keep this up, I may have to look for work at the National Enquirer.

Okay, moving on, back to the story.

The owl had a pretty good size wing span, though I didn't see it well enough to identify what type of owl it was. But it reminded me of the dream I had last year of being hunted and eaten alive by a bird. It was either a hawk or an owl, though in my dream it was much bigger than myself. Either it was a giant bird, or I was a miniature person. Owls are cool, but I'd hate to be eaten by one.

Anyways, hearing this owl was pretty much the highlight of the night. I can count on one hand the number of owls I've ever seen in my life. So it was quite the momentous occasion. Set the mood for the entire night, to be one of sustained concentrated listening. Not to star gaze like I usually do, and not even to really be absorbed in thinking about anything at all, but to just focus entirely on whatever I could hear, zooming in on it and following each sound for as long as possible. The more you listen, the more you actually hear. Your hearing actually improves to some extent with focused awareness.

So I resume drinking my beer, ever more conscious of the sounds of the night. A few minutes later, I hear a rustling in the bushes just a few feet away from me. What could it be? There was definitely something out there, something big. I'm thinking, maybe it could be a dog, or something bigger, maybe a bear or a mountain lion. It turned out to be pack of wild javelinas, a family of five. Pretty cool to see an owl and some javelinas on the same night. Doesn't happen too often, actually it was a first.

I listened to the javelinas meander away into the darkness of the night, cutting through my neighbors yards. It was pretty quiet outside. After midnight is pretty much the only quiet time around here. The day is loud. Too loud. Constant air traffic. Air force jets. Commercial airliners. Flight for life helicopters. Military helicopters. Cargo planes. Automobile traffic. Construction equipment. Loud voices. Too damn loud for me. That's the price you pay for living next to a busy highway, near a busy shopping center, and under a busy flight path. It's noisy all day long.

Things could be worse though. At least the nights are quiet. That I am very thankful for...but I really do want to get out of here. I feel like a forlorn sailor stranded on a desert island in the middle of an endless sea of sand, and running out of water FAST. Maybe I should start buying lottery tickets, like all the other desperate fools. I've had my fill of Arizona. In fact I think I may have had my fill of America. And no I'm not anti-American...I'm pro-paradise. Still looking for my Shangri-La.

But where to go, where to go? How about another planet? Seriously. Or how about a different time period altogether. Sometime in the distant future where ignorance and suffering has become extinct. Where there is no more war. No more crime. No more idiocy. No more greed. No more dishonesty. No more mindless destruction. Where everyone is operating on a higher octave of consciousness, smarter, kinder, juster, happier, healthier, wiser, and existing for the sole purpose of mutual evolutionary advancement...enlightenment for all.

Enlightenment for all? How about enlightenment for one. Better than none. I don't know if it is even possible to enlighten anyone other than yourself. You can say the wisest possible words, but if a person isn't ready to receive them, it won't do them the least bit of good.

See my post: The Lonely Road to Enlightenment.

Part 2 - The Art of Listening.

Listening is a skill that can be improved with practice. Concentrated listening is a form of concentrated awareness, where you focus all your attention on listening. Over time exercising your listening skills will not only improve your hearing, it will also help you become more attentive overall.

There are two major types of sounds: verbalized sounds associated with human language, and non-verbalized sounds, which may either be natural or man-made. Consequently there are also two main types of listening associated with these two types of sounds, each utilizing a different hemisphere of the brain. One is verbal, the other non-verbal. One is more logical, the other more intuitive.

Listening to someone talking, is much different than listening to non-verbalized sounds, because with speech you are not just listening to sounds, you are also processing ideas, making sense of intellectual abstractions, are actively engaged in interpreting the symbolic meanings of language. There's a lot of work involved in that. It's also easier to be distracted by people talking. Personally I find it next to impossible to concentrate on reading in an environment with a lot of talking going on, but I can tune out non-verbalized noises much easier.

In other words, since words are associated with very specific ideas, whenever you are listening to someone speak, you are listening more so to ideas, than sounds.

Whereas I have found that listening to natural non-verbalized sounds are more melodic, less-distracting, and actually engage that part of the brain that helps stimulate intuition, the ability to know directly beyond words.

It is therapeutic to take a break from sounds associated with human speech. To spend some time outside listening deeply to the non-verbalized sounds of the earth. Leaves rustling. The wind howling. The rain pouring. Water dripping. Fire burning. The sounds of birds, insects, and other animals. The sounds of footsteps. Walking. Chewing. Scratching. Digging.

It's interesting listening to these things. To listen to these sounds with undivided attention. Concentrated listening. Focused listening. Sustained awareness. A meditation on listening. The quieter it is outside the more you will hear. The more time you spend actively listening, the better your listening skills will become.

Personally I find the midnight hour to be an extremely valuable time for listening. Because depending on where you live, it is usually the time of day when man-made sounds are at their quietest, making it much easier to focus on other sounds you may not ordinarily hear.

Exercise as a Moving Meditation

What exactly does that mean, to say that exercise is like a moving meditation?

I suppose that would depend on what you mean by meditation, and the reasons why you are meditating. Whether you are seeking relaxation, improved concentration, enhanced creativity and cognition, clearer thinking, deeper awareness, and a more lucid understanding of yourself and the world you live in.

Those are actually all very good reasons for meditating AND exercising.

I like to do both, to sit still and to exercise, to relax and to think deeply upon things, and sometimes to just completely empty my mind and not think about anything at all, experiencing things directly. I like to do both but I have found that getting regular exercise actually enriches the experience of my sitting still time.

Exercise is comparable to giving your car or bicycle a tune-up, where you are prepping your body (mind, brain) for maximum efficiency and productivity.

Physical exercise stimulates blood flow to your brain, improves the efficiency of your oxygen intake, and releases natural endorphins into your bloodstream. The result being that not only is exercise good for your physical health, but by also making you feel better and your thinking clearer, it's also good for your mental health too.

In other words, if you exercise prior to engaging in some form of creative mental activity, such as reading, writing, or meditating, you will see an increase in productivity. At least I do, perhaps I can only speak for myself, but it is difficult for me to imagine this not being true of anyone else. Try it sometime. Make it into a science experiment. Write down your results. See if you notice an improvement.

I've done this several times myself, and I have noticed an improvement. Which is why I speak so highly of exercise, and truly believe it is like a wonder drug that everyone SHOULD liberally partake in.

Anyways, getting back to the original question of how physical exercise is like a moving meditation, I will expand upon that here.

Movement deepens awareness. Vigorous movement outdoors vigorously deepens awareness of the outdoors. Exercising, moving vigorously, running, lifting weights, makes me feel more alive. Being in movement makes me feel more alive and aware.

Think about it. What is the difference between life and death?

Things that are living are in movement, things that are dead are in stagnation, the only visible movement being disintegration, dust unto dust, until nothing visible remains. To be alive is to be in harmonic movement, a dance between your body and your mind, between body and the physical space you occupy. Self and the world. Body and Earth. Earth and Sky. Microcosm and macrocosm. Masculine and feminine. Creation and destruction.

To live is to maintain an equilibrium between the two opposing forces of creation and destruction. Equilibrium is not stationary, it is ever flowing, it is moving with the movement of the universe, dancing with it, like wind, like water, like fire, and the earth dancing through intergalactic space.

Exercise aligns you with this cosmic movement, to momentarily ride the wave of living through movement. Or something like that.

I've also noticed that exercise makes me more alert to my surroundings, where I see more, hear more, and feel more. Pumps me up. Makes life more energized.

If I sit too long I actually feel more sluggish and less aware of my surroundings.

This is why I call exercise a moving meditation, because not only is it simultaneously relaxing and energizing, it also helps deepen your awareness of your surroundings. At least this is true for me. I learn everything through trial and error. All advice I give has been acquired through direct observation by personal experience.

Stillness has its place too. Can't always be in movement. Need time to rest, to reflect, and to introspect. And yet, when is the mind not in movement? When is the breath not in movement? When is the heartbeat not in movement?

There is no stillness in life. Without movement, life ceases to exist.

If there is no absolute stillness in life, what do people mean when they speak of sitting in stillness and stilling the mind? It means to slow down, to relax and to become more aware, not to stop completely. When you stop completely, your body stops completely, and what happens then? You die.

Which is why it is during sleep that you are closer to a state of death than you will ever be so long as you are alive. Because death is more closely associated with stillness, and life with movement, exercising brings you closer to life.

So exercise already! No more excuses. Whether that means running in a circle, lifting some weights, or walking across the country, just do it! Get moving. You'll feel better, and you'll feel more alive, in a good way.

Then afterwards while sitting in stillness, contemplating the things you've learned, letting the insights pour forth freely like a vibrant energizing rain, you can joyously soak it all in.

Fitness Update March 2011

So it's been awhile since I've done a fitness update. These are the types of posts that probably aren't going to gain me any new readers, but are a pleasure to write simply because I like keeping personal fitness stats, and writing about my progress (however slow and redundant the facts may be) helps keep me focused and disciplined.

Fitness is really important to me, but I am by no means a complete muscle head. While I do work out regularly it is nothing compared to what professional athletes do. I am not training to beat any records or win any races. My exercise philosophy and practice is probably more comparable to Tai chi, where it is slow and steady, rather than pushing myself to the point of total muscle failure and exhaustion.

I think there is actually such a thing as working out too much, pushing yourself too hard, over training, and suffering permanent injuries as a result. For instance, the military may create elite warriors with superior strength and speed, but their entire diet and training regimen is not designed with the interests of long-term health and longevity in mind, it is meant to get the most out of a person in a very short period of time, after which they are essentially used up and discarded and no longer needed.

I'm trying to avoid that. I'm not a fighter. I'm not a competitive athlete. My primary goal is health and longevity. Relaxation. Confidence. Clearer thinking. Increased knowledge and intelligence.

Physical exercise doesn't just improve my body, it also stimulates my creativity and brain power, and is absolutely vital to my mental and emotional health. If I just sat around all day without getting any exercise I would really rapidly go down hill on all levels. My mood deteriorates. I may feel anxious and depressed, losing all my energy and motivation to do anything. So really, exercise is like a life saving medication, that without it I would die a slow and painfully self-destructive melancholic death.

I am not a big person. Am about average to slightly above average height. Very slim. Never been overweight in my life. But I am borderline underweight for my height. I actually need to gain maybe ten pounds of muscle. Have no desire to be big and bulky, but just totally fit head to toes rock solid lean muscle mass.

Other than my flat hairdo, also known as "hat hair", I think I'm looking pretty good for someone over 30. I would say I've still got that kid look going for me. Youthful. Not just outwardly, but that's my whole aura. Not necessarily immature, but creative, flexible, open minded, looking upon the world with eyes full of wonder. I stop to smell the flowers every chance I get.

My main exercises I do involve lifting a pair of ten pound dumb bells (I know I could handle more weight than that, but I can't afford to upgrade right now), tree branch chin ups, push ups, sit ups, squats, and triceps dips. Plus other warm up cardio exercises, like jumping jacks, toe touches, kicks, punches, running in place, etc.

The most significant improvement I've noticed is from adding triceps dips to my routine. I've been doing these consistently now for a few months, 2 to 3 sets of 20 to 30 reps. I've noticed a big difference in my arms. Too many people work the biceps and totally neglect the triceps (the back of the arm), causing muscle imbalance.

I think my arms and shoulders are coming along nicely, just have to focus now on my core (chest and abs) and legs..and of course my lung capacity.

Need to take up running. I know I've been saying it for years now, and I do run occasionally, have been running on and off all my life, but just not with any consistency, not with the intention of running further, of building up endurance in that area. I always start and stop. Haven't really stuck with it.

The primary obstacle in the way of that has been my love of beer. Drinking too much, impairing my ability to exercise more than I have been. I exercise everyday, but just not really getting to the next level. Even though I have cut down my drinking significantly, usually only have like two beers, three at the absolute most. But even two beers impairs my ability to do anything really strenuous the following day.

Got to work on that. What is more important, having a couple beers, or being able to run five miles? Both have their place, so long as the beers don't lead to a beer belly, and the five mile run doesn't lead to a heart attack. I don't need to give up beer completely, I just need to go without it long enough to be able to to build my fitness levels to where I'd like them to be, in which beer is currently posing as an ambition and endurance destroying obstacle.

Happiness Matters More Than Atheism and Religion

In my continual self-torturous habit of reading blogs that I profoundly disagree with and that make me very angry, such as the blogs of militant atheists and religious fanatics and warmongers and woman haters, I was just wondering what anyone really personally gains by arguing the superiority of one ideological belief against another?

What does anyone really gain from proving or disproving the existence of God?

What does anyone really gain from debating religion, from providing logical arguments for or against religion? Is it some kind of Ego trip? Where my God is better than your God, or my LOGIC is superior to your ILLOGIC, that my logical rejection of your God is superior to your illogical belief in your God?

Fuck that. The way I see it debating either belief, which are deeply personal and unlikely to be changed by any manner of debate, doesn't do anything to actually contribute to anyone's happiness or quality of life. All it does is foment conflict.

And also, whether you are an atheist or religious, in itself has nothing to do with whether you are even a good person or truly a happy person, whether you are living life to the fullest, and whether you are actually contributing something valuable that actually enhances the quality of life, for either yourself or yourself and others.

I would think that focusing on things that actually add value to life, that actually enhance the quality of life, that actually contribute to making life more meaningful and more beautiful, is more productive than focusing exclusively on ideological differences that you believe are standing in the way of that.

In other words, instead of focusing on the ugliness of religion or lack of religion or whatever, start focusing on creating some actual beauty.

That is what really bothers me about militant atheists, that they're spending so much time arguing and attacking and insulting the opposing viewpoint, that it seems that all they are doing is arguing.

So let's suppose that you're an atheist, with all these logical points supporting your argument refuting religion, and it turns out that you're right and religion is wrong. Now what? Got anything else to offer, or was this just another pointless pissing contest? I keep hearing SCIENCE SCIENCE SCIENCE. Well we've already got science, and yet the world is still not perfect. Are we to suppose that if only RELIGION were no more, that all the problems of the world would be solved, that we would suddenly enter a universal golden age of enlightenment?

Somehow I highly doubt that. The problem isn't religion or lack of religion or even lack of science. The problem is human nature.

No matter what you do, what you believe, or what kind of society you live in, they'll always be a few bad seeds that spoil it for all the rest. No matter how peaceful and enlightened you are, there will always be someone that isn't, someone that will rob you, kill you, and destroy everything that you have the moment they get the chance. Even if you completely eradicated poverty, and assured that everyone received a first class education, you'll still have people that will rebel, people who will instigate problems with others, not out of necessity but for kicks.

This is because the world is not perfect, human nature is not perfect, and neither science or religion is a universal panacea for all of our problems.

*The rest of this post is mostly a series of open-ended questions.

Debating whether or not there is a God or not, does nothing to improve the quality of anyones life. Does it? Do you feel better after debating the issue of religion?

How does the belief in God or the belief that there is no God affect the quality of your life and happiness? How does "winning" either argument improve YOUR life in actuality here and now?

Does it really make you feel better to give evidence in support of your own cosmological beliefs, and to use such evidence to bash or ridicule other beliefs that you don't agree with?

What does the atheist really gain on a personal existential level by denying supernatural phenomenon, by denying psychic phenomenon, by denying reincarnation and karma, by denying such concepts as the immortal soul, spirit, and consciousness existing independently from the body and the brain?

What does a purely materialist outlook do to really improve the quality of your life, and how does such a view really help the world? And the same question could be asked the other way as well. What does a person gain from belief in God, spirit and an afterlife, that they wouldn't gain by rejecting such matters?

If the primary purpose in life is to be happy, shouldn't one accept the fact that different things make different people happy, and that some are happier with religion than without religion, and that others are happier without religion than with it?

Could it be that there really is not one right or wrong answer here? That for someone being an atheist is right for them, but wrong for another. And being religious is right for one, and wrong for another.

Instead people often take this all or nothing point of view. I'm an atheist, therefore you should be an atheist too...and here's why. I'm religious, therefore you should be religious too...and here's why.

What is the militant atheists goal? To eradicate all religion by persuading others through logical debate just how ridiculously illogical religion is?

Why? What is the consequence of that? What do you really gain from it?

So let's say we were all atheists, then what? You still have to go about the business of living and dying, and I wonder how much better is the quality of your life without religion? Is there really any difference?

You could say, oh yes then maybe there would be more focus on science, causing a renaissance of global scientific literacy, which would rapidly accelerate scientific advancements all around the world, which should contribute to a reduction of poverty and a higher standard of living for all.

But is religion really the major obstacle standing in the way of scientific innovation? Is it really? If so is it all religions, or just certain religious viewpoints? Is spiritual faith really incompatible with science?

How does an atheistic viewpoint contribute to the advancement of science? How does an atheistic viewpoint contribute to an improvement in the quality of life? How does an atheistic viewpoint contribute to the attainment of happiness?

So if you are an atheist debating religion, emphasizing again and again how illogical religion is, and how logical atheism is, where does that leave you, how does the rejection of religion actually improve the quality of your life?

Is a person without religion really better off than someone with religion? Or is a person with religion any better off than someone without religion? Does atheism or religion have anything whatsoever to do with happiness?

It is quite possible that a person could be equally happy with or without religion, or equally unhappy with or without religion, but what makes you happy may make me unhappy, and what makes me happy may make you unhappy. Which means that maybe religion is good for some, but bad for others. And just because it's bad for you, it is a mistake to assume that it's bad for everybody else.

So what would happen if atheism became the dominant viewpoint of the world? The world is conceived entirely from a materialist perspective. And let's assume that science is able to advance, that everyone's basic needs are provided for, everyone is feed, clothed, housed, and educated.

But is that it, is that all that matters that everyone's material needs are met? What about your psychological needs? What about your spiritual needs? What if you feel you have spiritual needs that are not being met, but you live in a culture that rejects the spirit? Where does that leave you? Feeling unhappy and unfulfilled?

What about the fact that no matter what you believe in, it's not going to change the fact that YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. No amount of technological innovation or scientific advancement can appease a broken heart, or provide nourishment for someone spiritually starving to death.

Whether we believe in an after life or not, we're still going to die.

Whether we're religious or not there are still going to be conflicts, whether they are conflicts over resources, or conflicts due to differences of opinion having absolutely nothing to do with religion.

People often blame religion, saying there have been more wars fought in the name of religion than for any other reason. Do you really honestly believe things would be any different if we were all atheists?

The way I see it, the problem is not religion, it is human nature.

Being an atheist doesn't make you a good person, any more than claiming religious affiliation makes you a good person.

Humans each possess within themselves the archetypes of God and Satan, even if you don't belief in such things, think about what they symbolically represent, in the sense that we are each capable of doing good and evil. These things are not outside of us but inside each of us. We each possess within us potentialities to create or to destroy, to help or to harm. Do you think of others, or only yourself? Do you hurt others to help yourself? Or do you figure out ways to mutually help each other?

These problems exist with or without religion. These problems will probably continue to exist, so long as human beings exist on this planet in their present physical, social, psychological, and spiritual evolutionary form of development.

My Thoughts on High Heel Shoes Revisited

In light of the fact that my original post about high heels has received quite a bit of traffic, most notably several hits from Milan Italy, where in my deluded mind I'm imagining some cosmopolitan super high end Italian fashion designer specializing in thousand dollar high heel shoes reading my post, and wondering what they must be thinking, that I feel the need to say a bit more on the topic.

And of course I also thought of my cousin, who has been known to wear high heel shoes and be a frequent traveler to Milan Italy, I wondered how she would respond to that post? Probably, "Lighten up, Cym. You're reading way too much into it." Maybe, maybe not. But in my defense, only on a blog such as this would I ever think to over speculate on such matters or read into things more than I would in ordinary conversation - which really does epitomize both the beauty and the beast of blogging.

Anyways, I thought the need to elaborate upon my thoughts on the matter. I realize now that my perspective in the original post in question may be construed as representing a feminist viewpoint, but in actuality I do not feel that way about it at all. That is not my primary motivation or reason for objecting to high heels.

Yes I do in fact see high heels as being disempowering, BUT only in the sense that they enhance beauty at the expense of BOTH strength and health, that no matter how attractive you look or confident you feel in them, the wearer of high heels is essentially made to be weaker and more vulnerable on their feet than their flat shoe wearing counterpart.

Obviously a person should have the freedom of choice to wear whatever they want, and I'm not going to be a bitch about it and say that you have to do this or that, as I know for a fact that many women would disagree with me, and do not consider high heels disempowering in the least bit. But I'm not here to debate that. If you choose to wear them, by all means do so, just realize that there are some very valid reasons why you shouldn't, that have absolutely nothing to do with either feminism or religiously motivated modesty.

My primary objection to high heels has to do with the fact that they are really seriously bad for your feet. That is the bottom line here. It's not just that they are painful to wear and are difficult to walk in, but that they actually really do injure your feet. That alone should be reason enough not to wear them.

The phenomenon of high heels reminds me of the historical practice of Chinese foot binding. I know that it's less extreme than that, but there is some similarity between the two, in that both were viewed as enhancing feminine beauty and both were voluntarily embraced by women at the expense of the woman's own health.

The difference between Chinese foot binding and high heel shoes, is that the damage done by foot binding is obviously much more severe, essentially mutilating the feet and causing irreversible damage to such an extent that a woman may not be able to walk at all. Whereas high heel shoes don't have to be worn all the time, and therefore the damage may only be minimal.

In other words, how often you wear high heel shoes determines the extent of the damage. If you wear high heels all the time, than you are likely to suffer serious foot problems. But if you only wear than occasionally, on "special" occasions, then other than some minor foot discomfort, you'll probably not see any damage at all...other than, you know, being unstable on your feet.

But from my point of view, being an extremely health conscious person, I see no sense in wearing anything that impairs your ability to walk, causes physical discomfort, and on top of that also has the potential for causing physical injury. It's not a feminist stance. I've got absolutely nothing against feminine beauty enhancements, so long as they do not negatively effect your health in the process.

Which is also why I am opposed to using synthetic hair dyes and cosmetics and any other personal care products containing known cancer causing ingredients, and am also opposed to such things as Botox, breast implants, or any other non-essential cosmetic surgery that poses a serious risk to your health.

So my primary issue with high heels is the health problems associated with them. If you wear high heels it's definitely something worth considering, and asking yourself is it really worth enhancing your beauty at the expense of your health?

I would say no. But that's just me. Okay moving on. This topic is now officially closed. I will no longer bore you with such trivial posts about high heeled shoes, when there are much more important things to think about, to blog about, and to read about.

Esoteric Notes

"This blog was never about pleasing the masses."

I came across that quote while doing some random blog surfing, and it pretty much sums up my attitude toward this blog from day one. It was never intended for mass consumption, nor did I ever wish for this to become a popular blog.

Many people start a blog with the hope of gaining as many readers, followers, and subscribers as possible. The objective being growth, increased web presence and popularity. Many bloggers also wish that their blog will get picked up by a major media outlet, which will if they are lucky score them some lucrative sponsorship, or a book deal. Not me. That was never my objective here.

However, if I were selling something, or if I were devoted to a particular cause, where it would be beneficial to get the word out to as many people as possible, then obviously I would feel differently about it. But such is not the case with this blog, which I've always sort of considered to be a disposable blog. Sort of an inventors notepad, of rough ideas and sketches, not the final product.

In many ways you could say that this blog was originally conceived in conditions not too different from an open microphone night at a bar, where after having had way too much to drink I find myself on this stage just rambling away, sometimes saying something insightful and sometimes saying way too much. Which means that for better or worse you could say that on many occasions this blog has been my loose lips soliloquy. But aren't all blogs? Maybe not all, but probably most of them are.

Doesn't matter so much if hardly anyone is reading, but as time goes by, you will eventually see an increase in traffic, and if you have any sense at all, it may cause you to become more mindful of the things you write. That there is a certain degree of responsibility a person has, even as a blogger, to understand that the things you write do have consequences, that do reflect who you are as a person, and will in fact have some effect, however small, on the lives of those reading it.

Therefore you really shouldn't say or write anything in a thoughtless manner. If you do so you do so at your own detriment.

So in light of this knowledge, do you continue thoughtlessly rambling away, wasting your time in the spotlight sharing the trivialities of your life and complaining about things in a non-productive way? Or do you take advantage of the spotlight to produce something more valuable, more meaningful, and more productive?

That is the question of the hour.

It sometimes upsets me that this blog doesn't really have a clear focus, and that it doesn't really reflect what I would consider to be my best work. But it occurred to me that the only times this upsets me is when I forget that this blog was never intended for that. It was intended to be rough, experimental, creative, disposable. It was never meant to be serious or impeccable, never meant to please the masses or to change the world.

I do nothing to promote this blog. And I only comment on a handful of blogs. So the odds of finding this rather obscure blog and actually reading it, is very rare and puts you in a very tiny minority, probably similar to the odds of getting struck by lightning or winning the lottery. Is there a reason why the random roll of the dice brought you here? Who knows.

But the fact remains that you can only read so many blogs, and you can only know so many people. No matter how many people you know, you will never know everyone. You may find that in comparison to the entire population of the world, the circle of people that you will ever know or even casually encounter in your life is rather small. I think they call it the monkeysphere. Okay it's not exactly the same thing, but it is related I think.

So while it is only possible to know so many people, and to communicate with or be intellectually engaged by so many people, as long as there is some form of meeting of the minds occurring, everyone you encounter in this way, whether online or offline, makes up a part of your monkeysphere. Which means that this blog and any other blog you regularly read, as long as it is authored by real people and not robots, is to some extent a part of your monkey sphere too. Don't forget that.

I think I shall attempt a poem about this subject. If I am successful, you'll see it later.

High Heels: Vanity's Meat Market

Here's a short but interesting little article I found about why women wear high heel shoes.

I don't know exactly why I felt compelled to Google that little piece of trivia, but I did, as I often consult the Oracle of Delphi Google for any random questions and curiosities that enter my mind. Though I have been curious for quite some time now to understand why exactly anyone would endure wearing such an uncomfortable shoe, a shoe that is not only difficult to walk in, but is also really bad for your feet.

Obviously it's the look, right? Accentuates the legs, adds height, literally put's you up on a pedestal for all to see. So yeah, it's not like you're doing it because it's good for your health, but still, it just doesn't seem worth it to me. Why put yourself through so much hardship? This is your way of attracting a mate? How petty can you be? But whatever floats your boat. Do what you will, after all, you're not hurting anyone but yourself.

Anyways, according to the article high heels accentuate the body in a very specific way: "In addition to making women taller, high heels force the back to arch, pushing the bosom forward and the buttocks rearward, thus accentuating the female form."

So it's not just about fashion, it's all about sex appeal. And I suppose there is some degree of power in the mix as well, in as much as increased height is associated with power. But in this case, it is a diminished power, because for one thing it's entirely superficial, and another thing is that a woman in high heels is not stable on her feet, is extremely weak and vulnerable in terms of balance and physical mobility.

So it's actually an illusion of power, more of a giving away your power, to be someone else's trophy. That's what's really going on actually, on a deeper level...a subconscious archetypal level.

Well, whatever works for you, but for me I think I'll pass. I would rather not wear shoes that make me look like a "high class" hooker for sale.

I've never worn heels. I'm not much of a girly girl, never have been. Which was difficult growing up, when I had a couple close cousins who were professional runway models. Very girly. Always trying to change me to be more like them, but that is not who I am. My grandmother also wore high heels regularly, had a closet full of them, still does, but being in her mid-eighties now has finally been convinced, or persuaded, to wear something a bit more sensible...not athletic, but at least with a flat sole. She looks really good though. You'd never guess she was in her eighties...still drives, even works, believe it or not...my last surviving grandparent.

I've always preferred practical footwear, you won't ever find me wearing shoes that I cannot run in. Sometimes I may go without shoes completely, though here in the desert, with cactus needles, fire ants, and the searing sun, that can be risky.

So you will not find me on a pedestal. Though I could use the height. Not quite as tall as I would have liked to be. I'm not short, but I wouldn't mind being a couple inches taller. It was sort of hit or miss for me, as my mom is short, 5'4, and my dad is tall, 6'3. I'm taller than my mom, but not by a very wide margin. Oh well.

Still I would never wear a high heal for height, when the sacrifice would be balance and mobility. Must be my Kungfu training. I'm always thinking in terms of freedom of mobility, strength and balance and survival in all situations. Which is usually why I prefer running shoes...or my leather New Balance walking shoes for work...that's about as dressed up as I get, footwear wise.

Related post:

3/15 - My Thoughts on High Heel Shoes Revisited

The Difference Between Solitude and Loneliness

Here's a great quote from The Origins of Totalitarianism by Hannah Arendt about the difference between solitude and loneliness:

"The lonely man finds himself surrounded by others with whom he cannot establish contact or to whose hostility he is exposed.

The solitary man, on the contrary, is alone and therefore "can be together with himself." In solitude, in other words, I am "by myself", together with my self, and therefore two-in-one, whereas in loneliness I am actually one, deserted by all others.

All thinking, strictly speaking, is done in solitude and is a dialogue of thought.

Solitude can became loneliness; this happens when all by myself I am deserted by my own self. Solitary men have always been in danger of loneliness, when they can no longer find the redeeming grace of companionship..."

To me this description in many ways parallels the differences between introversion and shyness. With introversion as an orientation of thinking more akin to solitude, and shyness more akin to loneliness. In that someone who is shy, may wish to be with others, but is afraid to reach out to them, and if ending up alone feels lonely; whereas an introvert being fully content with themselves, may selectively choose to be alone but without feeling lonely at all; with solitude being a positive experience of being alone, loneliness being a negative one.

I myself am a solitary person. Not a lonely person. I've never felt lonely before in my life. Not even as a little kid, when I was for awhile the new kid on the block who didn't have any friends. I've always felt perfectly at peace with myself, my greatest solace being nature and books. I've never felt completely alone because I've always felt a deep sense of companionship and connectedness with the earth and the sky and the greater universe.

If I were locked up in solitary confinement without a book or a window, that would be hell, but so long as I can be outside and see blue sky and stars and green grass and trees, and hear the sounds of nature and the sounds of birds singing, even by myself I wouldn't feel alone, wouldn't be lonely.

Of course that could all change in the blink of an eye, where solitude could easily digress into loneliness, where strength could be overtaken by weakness, where peace of mind could dissolve into misery...where if this connection to love is severed completely, all that would remain in its place is a feeling of separation, alienation, and isolation.

All it takes is a split second for your attitude to change completely, where your entire world could be turned upside down and inside out.

Attitude really is everything.

In order to never lose this feeling of connectedness, this "redeeming grace of companionship" with the world, it requires an attitude of openness and goodwill toward the whole world.

So that even in the absence of human companionship, you will never feel entirely alone, and even in the absence of housing or material possessions, you will never feel entirely homeless or deprived, but feel at home and among friends wherever you may be, even when alone you'll experience a peaceful solitude without loneliness.