Monday, December 20, 2010

The Residue of Dreams

I sometimes awaken with the residue of dreams still on my mind. Not just a memory of events that have transpired in my sleep, but the electrified thought of an idea, a concept, a flash of insight obtained in the dreamy darkness of unconsciousness.

I woke up this morning with this pervading notion that everything I've ever thought, felt, sensed, and experienced is recorded in a file located in my body/brain/consciousness, what is referred to as 'the unconscious'. I woke up not just knowing of it as a theory, but knowing it as an experienced reality, and indisputable truth. As if I explored the physical location of this file in my sleep, got a glimpse of some of its contents, but upon waking only a distant dreamlike fading memory remained.

In other words, I was dreaming about this, and woke up thinking about it.

If only I knew the password, the key to tap into this stored knowledge at will, to be able to return to the memory of any moment in my life, with the exact precision of seeing it unfold frame by frame on a movie screen. Most interesting of all, I think would be to return to the moment of birth, the moment whenever consciousness first arises, whether it begins in the womb, or later after birth, and if so when exactly.

I have very little memory prior to the age of four, but somehow or another, I have this vague memory of understanding English long before I knew how to speak. That as an infant, perhaps even as a newborn, maybe even in the womb itself, I could understand everything spoken around me. And that I also have this foggy memory of not only understanding the meaning of language prior to being able to communicate this understanding, but also being able to sense people's feelings and internal emotional states as clearly as the spoken word.

That for a short period of time during the first years of my life, prior to the age of speech and reason, I was able to tap into this non-verbal language, a language far more powerful than words alone, a sort of direct telepathic perception of thoughts and feelings. I have a vague memory of this that I have carried with me all this time going back to the earliest years of my life. But as I get older, and my memory of these earliest events become cloudier and less vibrant with each passing year, it's hard to say how much of this is actual memory, and how much of it is imagination...but whether it was fact or fancy, I do have a memory of experiencing it.

I sometimes have dreams like this, teaching dreams, dreams of insight, where I wake up with an idea learned directly from my dream. Been awhile though, but I just had to write it down. It reminded me of my dad's near death experience, as recollected to me in my childhood. Where he saw his entire life flash before his eyes, like a reel of film played back in fast forward, having recorded every single moment of his life from birth to death. That's what he said, that the whole story of your life is like a ribbon of film, whereupon everything is permanently recorded without exception.

When you get to the end there is nowhere to hide, no lies to conceal the deeds of your life, all is recorded, every thought, feeling, spoken and written word, every action and experience is an unerasable truth, permanently etched in the conscience of your heart, to be weighed at the end of your life, to determine where you go from there. Heaven or hell? Evolution or devolution? Another planet? Another dimension? Another incarnation, as human, animal, or something higher and more evolved? Who knows.

The first Law of thermodynamics states that "energy can neither be created or destroyed. It can only change forms."

Something tells me that insight into the mysteries of life and death, creation and destruction, transformation and reincarnation, can be partially apprehended from a scientific point of view, through close and careful study and intuitive contemplation of these Laws of Thermodynamics.

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